The Peruvian Weight Loss Plan

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Here's a hotter tip than the one you got from your stockbroker this morning. Don't go to Peru. The Peruvian police say they have busted four members of a gang they are calling Los Pishtacos. The gang members allegedly killed dozens of people, extracted their fat in makeshift labs, and sold the fat on the Black Market to buyers for cosmetic manufacturing.

Four people were arrested and charged with kidnapping, murder, and trafficking in human fat. The police are still searching for additional suspected members of the gang, as well as the people who bought the fat.

"We have people detained who have declared and stated how they murdered people with the aim being to extract their fat in rudimentary labs and sell it," said Police Commander Angel Toldeo.

In addition to those taken into custody, police said they were searching for others who bought fat from the gang or might have worked with it.

Remains from some of the victims were found at a rural house in the region of Huanuco where the group worked, according police video.

The police are investigating 60 disappearances in the area which have possible connection to the investigation. The investigation began after they received a tip about a shipment of fat which arrived in Lima via bus from the Andes.

According to a report by the Associated Press, the Peruvian police said one of the suspects had described to them how they would cut of the heads, arms and legs of their victims, take out their organs and hang the torsos from hooks above candles to warm the flesh so the fat could drip out into tubs positioned underneath.

Colonel Jorge Mejia, chief of Peru's anti-kidnapping police, told the press that two of the suspects were carrying bottles of liquid fat when they were arrested, and had told the police it was worth 15 thousand (US) dollars a litre.

El Pishtaco

A Pishtaco is a fantasy figure, a boogeyman, in the Andes region of South America, in particular in Peru. According to folklore, it is an evil vampire-like man, often a stranger and often a white man, who seeks out unsuspecting Indians, to kill them and abuse their bodies in disgusting ways, for instance by cutting them up and selling their flesh as fried chicharrones.

Spanish missionaries were feared as Pishtacos by the Andean aboriginals, who believed they were killing people for fat with which to oil their churchbells. Pishtaco is derived from the local language quechua word: "pishtay" which mean to "behead, cut the throat or cut into slices" --From Wikipedia

Medical experts in the U.S. are rejecting the theory of a black market for human fat, citing the global obesity epidemic. However, there is one dermatology professor at Yale University, Dr Lisa Donofrio, who conceded there might be a small market for human fat. Human fat has been used to make products to keep skin supple, but Dr. Donofrio said the science behind this is "pure baloney".

Other experts conveyed skepticism, explaining that it is too easy to procure human fat legally to take the risks involved in getting it illegally. They also explained that many instances in which they use it, like anti-wrinkle treatments, the fat is taken from the patient's own body to reduce the risk of life-threatening immune system reactions.

I say, who cares? These people have killed at least 60 people for their fat, and they sold it. That tells me all skepticism aside, there's a market. It doesn't really matter what it's being used for in the end, it's being used. All the "expert's" skepticism is telling me, is that they either have never thought of it, or they don't want to admit that they've thought of it. Add to that the fact that it's being harvested and sold, and this tells me some of them have probably done more than think about it.

Why would you even go to anyone in the U.S. to inquire about this anyway? Who says this was sold to anyone in America? According to the doctors here, we have plenty. That doesn't mean that's the case in other countries. It also doesn't mean we're the only country who would have a demand for such a product. It's rather short-sighted on their part to come to such conclusions in their hurried panic to stave off the bad publicity aftermath of a possible media frenzy.

There's also the case of Dr. Alan Bittner, a cosmetic surgeon in Beverly Hills, who claimed he used fat removed from his patients during liposuction surgeries to power his 4x4 truck. Bittner said his patients were on-board, and actually requested that he used their fat for fuel. Bittner posted on his website lipodiesel.com, that he used the "lipodiesel" to power his Ford Explorer and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator.

An investigation into the matter began after law enforcement were made aware during another investigation they were conducting due to a lawsuit filed against the doctor from several patients. The patients claim Bittner allowed his assistant and his girlfriend to perform operations on them while neither of them held a medical license.

Oddly enough, Bittner's current whereabouts are believed to be in South America. Trust me, cancel that vacation to Peru.

A Clockwork Yellow

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Maybe it was lack of sleep, or perhaps catching A Clockwork Orange on cable late last night which made this article pique my interest. Either way, a nineteen year-old university student, Philip Laing, was warned today he could be facing jail time amongst other punishments. His crime? The young lad got drunk, and then he urinated on a war memorial.

The event was photographed and published in a national newspaper. Laing, a Sheffield Hallam University student, was then arrested and charged by the Sheffield Police. Laing told the police he was "very, very drunk, the drunkest I've ever been since I've been at university."

Laing drank a bottle of firewater before attending a drinking event sponsored by a private company, Carnage UK. As if there weren't enough issues with college raves, Carnage UK tours throughout the UK organizing student drinking events for students at the various establishments across England.

"The image of your urinating over the poppy wreath on the war memorial in this city will make most turn away in disgust, shock and sadness," said District Judge Anthony Browne.

"It has undoubtedly distressed and upset many. The war memorial is a sacred and a special place."

"Carnage is the name of the organization who promote this type of activity and some might say that somebody should be standing alongside you this morning," the judge said.

One might see this as the ultimate anti-war statement, but don't get out the tie-dye shirt and peace-symbol necklace just yet. If you're looking for any meaning or statement in Laing's actions, you need only remember he is a member of today's society and generation. Which means anything he did had absolutely no meaning or purpose.

I guess it's true, wasted looks the same no matter where you are.

Prosecutor Ian Conway said Laing had immediately admitted the offence when arrested and told police he was "very, very drunk, the drunkest I've ever been since I've been at university."

"The disgusting and reprehensible act the defendant carried out was in no way premeditated, targeted or politically motivated," Conway said.

"His actions were sadly the result of having consumed large amounts of alcohol."

Laing told officials he has absolutely no recollection of his actions whatsoever. His lawyer has stated Laing is merely a victim of today's culture of drinking far too much, and "It's difficult to articulate just how embarrassed and ashamed this young man is." We should, however, feel relieved that there is no one-armed man holding a beer bong in all of this, Laing has pled guilty to his actions, and is prepared to take whatever comes to him. Afterall, it can't be worse than the hangover.

Dances With Coyotes, Eh?

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In a rather bizarre incident, nineteen year-old Taylor Mitchell, an up and coming Canadian Folk Singer, was attacked and killed by a pack of coyotes in Cape Breton Highlands National Park on Tuesday.

Chip Bird, the Parks Canada field unit superintendent for Cape Breton, said hikers saw the coyotes attacking Mitchell and called 911. She was airlifted to a hospital in Halifax, where she died about 12 hours later, he said.

Mitchell was recently nominated for Young Performer of the Year honors by Canadian Folk Music Awards. She was touring the Maritime provinces and had a break between gigs to go hiking Tuesday, her manager, Lisa Weitz, said in an e-mail.

"She loved the woods and had a deep affinity for their beauty and serenity," she wrote.

Canadian Folk Singer Taylor Mitchell

According to Bird, the area where the singer was attacked was popular and well trafficked. The park authorities are hunting down the coyotes and looking for other possibly aggressive animals in the area.

"Public safety is our primary concern," he said.

He said no other coyote attacks had ever occurred in the park. "We've had coyotes approach people too closely," he said, and about six years ago one nipped a person.

That animal was killed because of "lack of fear," he said.

But Tuesday's attack is "unprecedented and a totally isolated incident," he said.

Although a tragic event, Michael O'Brien, wildlife manager of furbearers and upland game for Nova Scotia, wants to assure us that, "Coyote attacks on humans are extremely rare."

It is "not expected or normal behavior," he said, although he said there had been aggressive incidents in Nova Scotia before, but no deaths.

Illness, injury and familiarity with humans can affect an animal's behavior, he said.

So this isn't something we need to worry about, it was just a clear-cut case of professional criticism. Next up, Simon Cowell murders everyone in Seattle.

Oy! Vampires!

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The police in Melbourne, Australia are offering a $1 million reward for any information which will lead to the arrest of Mark Adrian Perry. Mr. Perry is wanted for the murder of Shane Chartres Abbott. Abbott, a male prostitute who twilighted as a vampire, raped Mr. Perry's girlfriend, bit off part of her tongue, and then left her unconscious on the floor of a South Yarra hotel room.

Abbott was shot dead the day he was set to appear at trial for the rape. The shooter is now serving a life sentence in jail. Mr. Perry is now wanted for allegedly ordering Abbott's execution.

Deputy Commissioner Ken Jones says a number of people know Perry's whereabouts and police are keen to close the case on the killing.

"[Mr Abbott] was murderered in broad daylight on a street and you imagine the collateral damage that could have been inflicted on families around that area at the time," he said.

It is believed Perry is living interstate and he has been seen in Queensland, the Northern Territory and Western Australia since he left Victoria in 2007.

Deputy Commissioner Jones says a number of people know where Perry is.

"They know his movements and his whereabouts and I would urge them to come forward," he said.

Mr Abbott's murder was at the centre of a 2007 police integrity inquiry into allegations high-ranking police officers leaked details about the investigation.

There was also an allegation that a police officer gave his address to a hitman.

He looks like Johnny Lee Miller from Dracula 2000...coincidence?

Okay, so let's do the math here. Vampire Hooker rapes Woman. Woman's Boyfriend hires a Hitman to kill Vampire Hooker. Police leak information about the investigation illegally. Police Officer gives Hitman Vampire Hooker's address. Hitman kills Vampire Hooker. Hitman goes to jail for life. Now Police are looking for Boyfriend who hired Hitman, offering $1 million reward. News at 11.

How do I get a job in the Melbourne Police Department? It looks like they have everything set on autopilot over there.

El Jesucristo es Mi Copiloto

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A Mexican singer and former drug-addict-turned-Protestant-Priest hijacked a plane in Cancun yesterday. Jose Mar Flores Pereira, 44, claimed he was just doing the Lord's work, after he had a revelation. From the pictures, I would think his revelation should be a career change as a Liberace impersonator, but much to the chagrin of the Mexican Authorities, this was not the case.

While Flores Pereira acted alone, Mexican officials said they originally detained five other people because the hijacker had told a flight attendants he was acting with accomplices, referring to himself and "God and the Holy Spirit."

Flores Pereira told authorities he acted to protect the country after having "a revelation that Mexico was facing a great danger, and was threatened by an earthquake," public security official Genaro Garcia Luna told reporters.

The priest, brought out for questioning by the media, told reporters his actions were linked to Wednesday's date -- September 9, 2009 -- because the numbers 9/9/9 were the opposite of 6/6/6 the numbers associated with the AntiChrist.

The movie documenting Flores Pereira's revenge on God and the Holy Spirit for leaving him holding the bag at the heist is due out next Summer. Don't bother trying to see it in the theaters, it's already sold out indefinitely, and I just gave them the idea two minutes ago.

All the passengers -- most of whom had no idea they had been taken hostage -- were safely evacuated as security forces swarmed Mexico's international airport within minutes of the plane landing.

The airline said it was originally alerted to the situation after it "received a bomb threat while in flight," according to a statement.

"It wasn't a bomb," a smiling Flores Pereira told reporters after his arrest. "It was three Jumex (juice) cans that I filled with sand and put some little colored lights on."

Finally, a crime involving juice that OJ Simpson can truly say he's innocent of. For someone who had a revelation from God of impending doom, and was then sent forth on a mission to save all of Mexico, this guy didn't really do a lot of planning. He had time to fill three juice cans up with sand and glue lights to them, but he didn't have time to call in his bomb threat until after he was on the plane? No wonder no one on the plane knew he was hijacking it.

When you absolutely, positively have to hijack that plane...Jumex.

Flores Pereira had demanded to fly over the airport "seven times" and to speak with President Felipe Calderon, Garcia Luna said. Calderon canceled his afternoon meetings to head to the sprawling airport.

The alleged hijacker was also said to be a former prisoner and drug addict from Bolivia, who has lived in Mexico for 17 years.

Sources in La Paz confirmed Flores Pereira was of Bolivian nationality, and recounted that Mexican authorities had said he "apparently suffers some sort of mental disorder."

And that's how you avoid being the laughing stock of the World. I just want everyone to be aware, not only is he insane, he's Bolivian--NOT MEXICAN! Now that we've cleared that up, go get me some Jumex, Pepito. Gracias.