Cosmetic Brain Surgery...I Thought Of It First!

There is violence in The Congo. Ashley Judd wants to believe it is caused by The Smarty Phones. She also wants to believe that someday they will have cosmetic brain surgery, and then she can be as smart as she is pretty. I haven't decided if I want to break the news to her or not.

In a featured article on the CNN website, Ashley Judd and John Prendergast go to some links (Yes, welcome to the 3D age) to dramatize the brutal gang rape of Kika, a local Mother Theresa type, by the local militia. It also details how when her brother tried to intervene, they first tried to make him rape her as well, and when he refused, they stabbed him to death.

Even though it sounds like the opening five minutes of a Sylvester Stallone movie, it doesn't change that it is definitely on the more gruesome side of human interactions. It also doesn't change the severity of it.

However, where Ashley jumps the fence and flies off to Alpha Centauri, is when she then blames this behavior on Electronics. Apparently, these evil militia types are being funded and given their power over this region by all of the money they are making from mining rare minerals which are used in electronic components.

So the issue isn't that one human being would behave this way and commit atrocities on another human being. It isn't that people who would act in such a fashion would do so over a doughnut (Bran Muffins probably aren't appealing enough). They only do it because they can mine rare minerals and sell them to Intel.

Wow, this really is starting to sound more and more like a Sylvester Stallone movie, but I'll be nice to Sly and say Van Damme.

So we can't be as bold and brash as Mad Mel and say all the troubles of the World are caused by the Jews--and trust me, she wants to. No, monkey see, monkey do. Obama talks out against technology and electronics, so let's just blame all of our troubles on the iPad.

Steve Jobs and Hitler, like peas in a pod...an iPod.

Let's face it, anything those people could get their hands on to make a buck would go to funding a dictatorial regime to oppress the people. So it's tungsten and tantalum today, but when the market falls through that, you know they're going to do whatever they can to keep it going--even bottle water.

MmmMmm. Good ol' CongoWater. It tastes just like wholesale rape and murder. Every Hollywood Celebrity will have a bottle in their hands on the red carpet within a week, but don't worry, I'm sure they'll leave the iPhones at home.

Adam Lambert Is Gay. We Get It.

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The entertainment news is full of anger and outrage today because following the cancellation of Adam Lambert's Good Morning America appearance, it was learned an interview and performance was scheduled for Chris Brown. Feminists and Gay Activists are wondering why a rapper convicted of abusing his girlfriend rates over an openly gay singer. Like anything, there's more to this story.

Adam Lambert is gay. This is supposed to mean something to us. Why? I'm not sure, but we're just supposed to go with it. As is the ABC Network. The evil, gay-hating, abuse-loving ABC Network. Dirty, naughty, bad ABC Network....had enough yet? Me too.

ABC aired the American Music Awards. They commissioned Lambert to give a performance during the awards. Lambert rehearsed his act in front of the producers and censors and it met their approval. However, this was not the performance that Lambert gave when the awards aired. He completely changed his performance, and he added several lewd acts in the mix. This caused viewer outrage and a backlash which ABC may or may not recover from.

Following his AMA performance, ABC canceled Lambert's appearance on the Good Morning America show, because even though they'd barely skated by the previous night due to the time he gave the performance, they didn't want to take a chance of him pulling more shenanigans during a morning slot when they definitely would be fined.

Yep, that pretty much says it all...

I bet ABC feels like this guy right about now.

The truth of the matter is, Chris Brown was booked way before any of this even happened. If you haven't been living under a rock, you've heard of the Chris Brown hoopla. It's been out for months, and his scheduling for Good Morning America was to be in response to Rhianna's recent interview. It's also a lot more important than Adam Lambert trying to extend his fifteen minutes of fame in the entertainment world.

Is entertainment news really important at all? No. Does a famous superstar couple airing their dirty laundry in the media beat out an attention queen with a gay agenda acting the part on a music awards show? Yes.

Yet still, we have to hear about how this is discrimination against gays, and how we're supposed to accept Lambert's irresponsible acts because it's all about gay rights and freedom of speech. Well, Adam, here's a clue: If you want to exercise your freedom of speech--go right ahead, but do it on your own dime, not someone else's.

Are we really going to blame ABC for reacting this way after the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake fiasco? Adam Lambert didn't just go with the flow once he took the stage, this was a completely planned out ruse. He deliberately auditioned one act to pass the censors, and then bent ABC over and rammed it home the minute he took stage. All so he could push his gay agenda, and cause a big enough controversy to make the headlines.

What is ABC's message to Lambert in all of this? You deceived us and put us in a compromising position. We can't afford to be fined for your puerile little whimsies. We no longer trust you. Have a nice career on another network.

What is my message to Lambert in all of this? You're gay. We get it. No one cares. Being gay doesn't make you special anymore than being straight makes me special. You either have talent, or you don't. Your gay agenda has no place here. If you have to shove your gayness in everyone's face to get them to notice you, then you're a no-talent hack who needs to quit music and go be a tax lawyer.

Get a Mirror!

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It seems the new fad for getting attention for your failing celebrity (or career as often is the case) is to leak a sex tape. Not to say in anyway that it hasn't been done before, but it seems of late, everyone is doing it. Even Verne Troyer (yeah, Mini Me) has a sex tape floating around.

There's an old adage: Any publicity is good publicity. In Hollywood, everyone has this tattooed on their foreheads. The question that really has to be asked here is: Is everyone in the position of Celebrity a complete narcissistic miscreant?

Think about it. These people are in front of the camera most of their existences. If it's not for their actual jobs, they're being filmed by Press and Paparazzi. How conceited are you that when you go home and close the doors, you have to flip on the camcorder? If they're so in love with themselves, why don't they just get a mirror? It would save them a lot of embarrassment, and spare us the media hysteria.


Why? Because it's all staged. It's all hype their Agents and Publicists come up with to boost them out of their current has-been status. In some cases, like Paris Hilton, it's even being used to make someone a celebrity. And now, they're not even sex tapes, they're just tapes of celebrities walking around nude, doing drugs, and blathering nonsensically.

Wow, thanks to the Celebrity Sex Tape Method, I can now get an intimate look inside the life of someone I could completely care less about. Thank you, Hollywood Agent, you're the best!