This is from the Associated Press, or AP as it is commonly referred, let's dissect it.
BALTIMORE — Michael Phelps was driving an SUV that collided with another car in Baltimore Thursday night, but the Olympic gold medal swimmer was not injured, police said.The female driver of a Honda Accord was "shaken up" and taken to a local hospital as a precaution, police said. Two passengers in Phelps' Cadillac Escalade were not injured, said police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi.
Guglielmi says Phelps has been interviewed by police and alcohol was not a factor. No citations were issued and the accident was being investigated, with a report perhaps available Friday, Guglielmi said.
Okay, the validity of how newsworthy this story is to begin with is obviously in the eye of the beholder. However, I personally feel that it is complete fill and does not fuel anyone's need to know what's going on in the real World. No offense to Mr. Phelps, but if I just got in a fender-bender with someone, even if the vehicles were totaled and one or both of us went to the hospital in critical condition, I highly doubt it would make the local news, much less the annals of the AP. Believe me, this statement is in no way tempered with any kind of jealousy. It's a fender-bender and no one was hurt. Where's the story? He'll have a new Escalade by Noon tomorrow.
Phelps won eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics.
Welcome to the 2008 Beijing Olympics! Wherein we would not even know or care who Michael Phelps was if it wasn't for him winning eight gold medals. Way to stay on top of things and inform us. You get an A.
I mean, I completely glossed over that whole Olympic gold medal swimmer thing in the first sentence. Sheesh, if it wasn't for you reminding me of that, I would have just kept thinking of him as that Stoner who lost his Wheaties endorsement.
Phelps' SUV had a crumpled hood and was on a tow truck. The gray Accord had considerable damage on the front driver side.
No offense to this fine, fine piece of Journalism, but in the defense of thought and flow, shouldn't this be above the bit where he won the eight gold medals? I mean, it kind of puts a cap on the first three paragraphs. No? Moving forward...
Phelps has had brushes with the law in the past. USA Swimming suspended him earlier this year for three months after a British tabloid published a photo of him using a marijuana pipe. The Richland County, S.C., sheriff's office investigated the photo but found there wasn't enough evidence to charge Phelps.
Ah...there we go. See? They could have left that whole eight gold medals bit out entirely at this point, because now we've reinforced that he IS the Stoner who lost his Wheaties endorsement.
More to the point, why do we say: "Phelps has had brushes with the law in the past."?
Are we to understand that this counts as a "brush" with the law? I may be stoned myself, but I don't recall anywhere heretofore in this article where it claimed Phelps was responsible for this accident or that he had done anything illegal. So is this how things are now? I'm parked at a red light, minding my own business, and someone who isn't paying attention plows into me from behind, and I'm now a wanted man? I have to go on the lam now or I'll wind up in prison married to T-Ray and learning how to make license plates?
Furthermore, there is no mention that he was intoxicated or that there was any suspicion of intoxication. So why exactly are we talking about pictures of him smoking a marijuana pipe? The article does clearly state: "...Phelps has been interviewed by police and alcohol was not a factor," but that's Standard Police Operating Procedure.
In an earlier incident, Phelps pleaded guilty to driving while impaired shortly after he won six golds and two bronzes at the 2004 Athens Olympics. A Maryland state trooper had pulled him over after Phelps ran a stop sign. He was sentenced to 18 months' probation.
Now I get it. They're helping us. Just like when my 2 year old nephew holds his toy up to me and says, "Dis mine!" Thanks, Little Rony, I'd never have guessed it if you hadn't put it all out there for me. Here's some candy!
Most recently Phelps earned five golds and a silver over eight days at the world swimming championships earlier this month.
Now wait just one hot minute there, Pal. This is an utter lie and an unconscionable fabrication of the facts. Most recently, Mr. Phelps got into a fender-bender and wound up bent over taking twelve inches of AP coverage. I vote for a retraction!
HA! Who's the Reporter now, AP?
You just showed pictures of the wreck in your article!
For an AP article, this is among their finest; however, I do believe they are slipping. This is definitely not on par with their long-lasting standards of excellence. They didn't even cap this potentially Pulitzer Prize Winning article off with their lovely standard: Neither Phelps nor his Publicists were immediately available for comment Thursday.
Seriously, they're never going to make this guy look guilty unless they point out he doesn't want to talk to the Press because he's been in a slightly traumatic experience. What were they thinking?!?!?
Summary: This is not News. This is merely Media SOP. They don't look for News Stories anymore, they merely lurk in the bushes and wait for a moment to pounce on someone so they can bring up all the old dirt that they got back during those days when News wasn't slow and they actually had something to report.
Hey, reruns and stock footage cinematheque works for The Sci-Fi Channel, why can't it work for The Press?
UPDATE: Link
BALTIMORE – A crash involving Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps was blamed on the other driver, who ran a red light, Baltimore police said Friday.
Oops! I guess he was completely innocent. Damn! But not to worry...
We've got our eye on you, Phelps. One mistep and we'll be all over you like... well, Us on You.
UPDATE: Link
BALTIMORE – Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps was driving with an expired, out-of-state license and told police he drank a beer about an hour and 15 minutes before he was involved in an accident, Baltimore police said Friday.
The accident Thursday night was not Phelps' fault, police said, and officers did not administer field sobriety tests because he showed no signs of being impaired by alcohol.
But the swimming star will be cited for driving without a license and failure to establish residency in Maryland, police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi said. The citation carries no fine, but Phelps will have to appear in court.
"We had our very best eyes on the situation, and we're very well aware of his history and his notoriety," he said. "We wanted to make sure that everything was done completely by the book."
AHA! WE GOT HIM!!! Good job guys! I knew if you kept after him you'd get something. Now we can go back to reporting about a Michael way more important, Michael Jackson.
This just in: Yep, still dead.
