Well, whether it's grinding gears or the air being expunged from the dead horses' sphincter from getting the crap kicked out of it, it's obvious Hollywood has run out of ideas.
It seems like the only thing they can do anymore is remake something. Making movies about old Television Series is a definite favorite for them. I'm not really sure what kind of a person it takes to think they're going to take a Television Show that lasted for 100+ episodes and condense it down into a 90 minute movie and make people care. And although this has been done in the likes of Comic Book movies with some success (The Dark Knight), and some definite notable failures (Catwoman), it's very rarely accomplished with a Television Series Movie.
But no matter how annoying or just generally lame the Television to Movie gerbil mill can be, the true insult lies in remaking the Classic. Do we really need to go there?
When I was a younger man in my teens, one of the movies that I saw that still sticks out in my mind is The Hitcher. It starred Rutger Hauer, who was cool and popular at the time. (He's still cool and thanks to some Directors of my generation who are moving up in the World, he's showing up more.) The Hitcher is about a kid who is driving a rental car across country to deliver it to one of the companies' locations--a Driveaway. Along the way, he encounters a hitch-hiking drifter played by Hauer. As it turns out, he's a whackjob, and the kid has just become his new playpal. Needless to say, it gets a little ugly.
Do you get Dental and Vision with this job?This movie is a definite Classic to me. It has pretty well stood the test of time, and is still a great movie that I pop in the DVD every now and again. It was one of those defining movies that sticks out in your mind when you hit rewind and think about the movies you saw in your life that made an impact. For me it hits marks with Highlander, Predator, Lethal Weapon, Robocop, etc. When my friends and I saw The Hitcher, we talked about it for weeks.
A few years back, Hollywood decided to remake it. I wanted to puke when I saw the remake. It was a complete waste of money. There was no noir, no substance, no heart. The only thing that really sticks out once you've viewed it, is that they had no understanding of the source material whatsoever. And the cutesy little Hollywood reversal of the lead being female instead of male disgusted me to the point that I came closer than I ever have to actually sending a scathing letter to the Director. Straight up "Uwe Boll Needs to Die" status.
Now this is only one instance of many that I use as an example, but when does this end? How long until some ignorant whelp of a Director or Hollywood Exec thinks they have what it takes to bring something newer and better to Citizen Kane, or The Godfather, or Gone With The Wind, or Vertigo? Gus Van Sant made a shot-for-shot remake of Hitchcock's Masterpiece PSYCHO for the purpose of what?
These people have lost their minds. They're all turning into a bunch of talentless hacks. Why do we need another Dracula movie? Or another Robin Hood movie? Or a remake of Dirty Harry?
Is it too hard, or too much to ask for them to:
A. Stop remaking classics.
B. Stop remaking anything.
C. Start making movies with fresh, original content.
They're turning down thousands and thousands of scripts every day so that they can do another remake of a movie that in most cases wasn't that good to begin with, but in some cases doesn't need to be remade. Period.
Kick these schlubs out and get some new blood in there.
