Tweeting Doctor Freud...

I don't hold much appreciation for the "prophecies" of Nostradamus. I don't think a civilization which ended due to their practice of sacrificing humans to paint the walls of their temples got it right just because their calender ends at 2012. Perhaps they were running out of people to sacrifice that day and the calender-dude's time was literally up. I didn't think the World was going to end because the turn of the Century was going to make some computers shut down, and I would suggest to you not to hold your breath if you're waiting for the asteroid/comet to hit. All of that being said, I think the Zombie Apocalypse is upon us.

I'm not sure what word can describe the face I pulled when I saw the news today. If I were to guess, I'd say it would take at the very least two words connected by a hyphen, or just a Top Ten List. Shock, surprise, horror, disgust, fear...then my mind did a 360 inside of itself and traveled via wormhole to another galaxy for about six nanoseconds before returning with a hard thwack! up against my cranium. If a Jager hangover had sex with a crystal-meth detox and they had children, that's what my brain felt like, and then I got a nose bleed.

Article

A 35-year-old Michigan woman, who for the purposes of this blog will be called Aimee Louise Sword, which happens to work out nicely because that's her real name, decided to track her long-lost son down via the internet. Ms. Sword, who had given the boy up for adoption, used the various tools at her disposal, Google, Myspace, Facebook (You heard it here first, Facebook is The Devil!), et al to find him. It's rumored she even used Bing, but we all know no one uses Bing.

Now, I understand this is something we've all heard about--thousands of times, but what you don't understand, is this is the part where John Denver rises from the grave and starts munching brains down at the 7-11 while the elevator version of Rocky Mountain High plays in the background.

Aimee Louise Sword of Waterford Township, near Detroit, was arraigned this week on three charges of criminal sexual conduct for the alleged rape of her biological son, whom she put up for adoption more than 10 years ago, MyFOXDetroit reported.

Prosecutors say the boy is still a minor, but won't disclose whether he knew the woman was his mother — a situation that has horrified mental health experts who are calling the case "an abomination."

You can blink now.

"I don't think I've heard of another case like this in my career," said Dr. Gerald Shiener, chief of Consultation and Liaison Psychiatry at Sinai Grace Hospital in Detroit.

"Our first reaction to hearing about something like this is that this is every man's nightmare. It's an abomination," he told MyFOXDetroit.

"I'm at a loss for words because it's something that we consider to be so out of the normal, so prohibited in every culture that it unnerves every man just to think about it."

At this point, I really wanted to use the "I'm at a loss for words" line too, but it obviously doesn't work when you're in the middle of the article.

This is what Evil looks like. I always knew Evil was a woman!

The only absolute in all of this, is Sigmund Freud wishes he was still alive for this. Of course, with John Denver already up and at 'em, who knows?

I have to say I completely disagree with the good Doctor. This is not every man's nightmare. Why? Because even in the fantastical places my mind goes, I never in a million years would have thought up something this sick and messed up. I'm a very intellectual person, I practically live in my mind. My imagination is so vast, I dream in Pixar animation. Yet, upon reading this, I threw up my lunch, and when it hit the floor it landed in a formation which read WTF?!?!

Sword's attorney Kenneth Burch told the Press that his client "maintains her presumption of innocence" and said the accusations of incest have been very difficult for her.

But Sword herself has spoken since she first was arrested, writing on her MySpace page that she was inspired by rapper and former jailbird Lil' Kim because "she rises during the worst of obstacles."

"Reminded me of myself," Sword wrote on the Web page, where she uses the name Aimee Pope.

I sure feel relieved to know she "maintains her presumption of innocence" and has accepted Lil' Kim as her personal savior. I'd sigh right now, but the only way you can do that in written form is to quote something from Sylvia Plath, and my higher brain functions are starting to shut down causing me to lose the ability to Google, copy, or paste.

A very wise man, who for the purposes of this blog will be called Solomon, once said: There is nothing new under the sun. I have a feeling that if this is indeed a new occurrence, it's only because the internet works better than carrier pigeons.